I kept thinking how to best write about Eden. Should it be on Instagram? Not really cause I don’t think there’s enough space for my thoughts. I have wondered why Eden’s birthday came and went with no fanfare. I actually thought I was celebrated more this year than her. This made me felt guilty that I was not sure how to dedicate a post for her. It was too late. Nobody probably care. But I do, I do care. I know nobody asked but here I am weeks after her birthday chronicling something.
She is my happy, sentimental, joyful. She came on my actual birthday despite me asking the Lord, asking her and asking my body if they can graciously just give me my own day. Of course the Lord humbled me and has been teaching me how to share something I felt should be mine. Nothing is ever truly ours. We own nothing in this world and everything is temporary. When I was pregnant with Eden, I was having so much anxiety. I can’t sleep well. I would be ruminating all the time. I would cry for no reason (like this one time I was cutting some vegetables for dinner and I just burst out crying). I thought it must be my hormones, I mean, I was pregnant during the global pandemic. I was always scared that something bad will happen for no reason. I was not well.
At the time, I thought I was still religious of some sort because I would go through the motions of what I thought was important. I would go to mass every week. I prayed the rosary everyday. I would even do virtual mass in the morning when I would wake up early or can’t fall asleep. You would think I should be OK right? But why was not I? But everyday, it was still given to me by the Lord. It was a gift to be alive. Some days were better than others, some were more of a struggle. But work kept me busy, moving houses was another distraction. I was going through the motions. Until that fateful day of the 16th of January, our paradise was born, Eden.
Eden’s name probably came to me when I was watching Top Chef Canada. The host’s name was Eden Grinshpan. I was only really paying attention to all the food because I was just tired and nauseous all the time when I was pregnant with her. But guess what her name meant : paradise, place of delight, absolute bliss, place of pristine, abundance, natural beauty. But the most important one that spoke to me? It was the gift of God to the first man and woman. Eden has been all of these things to us and probably even more than what I can list down here. When she came, it was easy. I felt something was going to change. It was not love at first sight but it was good for me, for us all really. I have this small being to take care of, to nourish and nurture.
All my worries and anxiety somehow dissipated slowly, day by day that I get to take care of her. I cannot even remember a time that was challenging. She was true to her name – a gift, a paradise, a delight. Days came by and went. I saw her grew literally in front of my eyes and have her own little personality. We would go for walks, for hikes, for yoga. They were the simplest things. But they were precious time of ours. She taught me to slow down and let things be. Everyday is a gift to get to love her, care for her and bond with her. Surprisingly, it was the time when I slept better and took care of myself better. My mental and physical health were the best during my first year of her life. She was who I needed during that time. She was a Godsend in those dark days.
And now she is 1. There was no fanfare but we celebrate her everyday. She is our paradise. Eden, I do not know how our family existed without you in it. You are our delight during the pandemic. You are an absolute bliss to care for. You give us so much by just being who you need to be when you need to be. I pray that you always walk with the Lord and you never get to fear anything because the Lord will always always always be with you. We love you, our Madame Eden.
PS – I would also want to agree on the natural beauty meaning of your name. I mean look at those lips and big eyes. Eden <3
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Ericka Ana is a motherhood, newborn and family photographer servicing Hamilton, Burlington, Milton, Oakville, Toronto and beyond Canada. My aim is to capture your happy, sentimental, and joyful through the years.
Feb 4, 2022
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